Monday, November 23, 2009

WANG OF FRANKENSTEIN.

I had a lot of free time at work today, and free time at work usually results in my mind wandering into some... downright retarded areas.

I can't remember the thought process leading up to it, but I somehow came to the thought; Doctor Frankenstein had to pick which penis he'd put on his Monster.

I mean... some guy had to sit down and do that shit. Make a decision that would affect the livelyhood and sex life of a hideous affront against God and Man alike. What kind of process went into that? Did he have his pick of penises (penii?)? Did he want his Monster to be packing; or was did he give him an inferior penis so he could intimidate the Monster in the shower? What if the penis didn't match the balls?

Then that got me to thinking about how Frankenstein's Monster might not be happy with the decision made... maybe that's why he was so fucking angry! Which leads me to believe that Victor Frankenstein made the decision to give him a small penis; which is probably part of the reason why he couldn't get laid without Frankenstein building him a bride, only to be rejected because the Monster didn't have a Monster; size matters to the Bride of Frankenstein('s Monster. Correct terminology is a lost art), yo.

To be fair, the Monster WAS ugly as fuck; having been appropriately named just 'Frankenstein's Monster'; so the only way she'd get anything out of this arranged marriage would be either if he was packing, or if he was rich; and that shit just wasn't going to happen. Frankenstein's monster is inherently unemployable, because of his predilection to killing the FUCK out of anyone that runs screaming from his hideous visage. Maybe if he was hung he'd have had the self confidence to ignore the jeers and insults of ignorant and superstitious Euro-Trash hicks, and get a job working security at the club, where he can pick up drunk chicks on a regular basis, shambling home with them passed out in his arms, vomit on his coat, while people scream, "BEHEMOTH!" or "MONGOLOID!" or, "THAT'S A HUGE BITCH!" at him.

All the grief and tragic misunderstanding that could have been spared had one guy just put his own insecurities aside and picked the right penis for the job...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Did a right proper job creating Frankenstein's bride though. Her reaction to the poor sod was pure woman, so I'd say the good doctor gets full marks for an accurate representation.

-'Drew in the Soo

Halliday said...

I'm sorry, Brother, I have no idea what you just said. ^_^;;;

Anonymous said...

hahahha this made me laugh